What is a Tangled Narrative?

At my company Untangled Narrative, LLC, we use the components of storytelling to help our clients reframe and overcome their obstacles for more powerful personal and professional development. Because of the way humans process information, we have certain flaws in our reasoning that create unhelpful stories that we call “tangled narratives.” When we tell ourselves these flawed stories about our experiences, relationships, obstacles etc.., we can negatively impact our growth and success. By understanding and reframing these narratives, we can transform obstacles into opportunities. This blog post will explore the concept of tangled narratives, how they form, and why untangling them is crucial for achieving clarity and progress in life.

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In my own life I have struggled with focus, attention, and memory that for many years I told myself the story that it would hinder me from being able to do anything of real value for others. In my late thirties I discovered that what I am dealing with is Attention Deficit and that by focusing myself on my strengths instead of telling myself stories about my weaknesses I could build myself a career that utilized the eccentricities of how my brain functioned.

The following is from the introduction to my book Your Untangled Narrative and lays the groundwork for what we do at Untangled Narrative.

“We must look at the lens through which we see the world, as well as the world we see, and that the lens itself shapes how we interpret the world.” 

― Stephen R. Covey

What is a Narrative?

To answer the question “what is a tangled narrative” it is helpful to first answer, “what is a narrative?”

Here’s the definition according to the Oxford English Dictionary:

Narrative –  /ˈnɛrədɪv/ NAIR-uh-div A narrative is a spoken or written account of connected events; a story. It involves a sequence of events, experiences, or the like, whether true or fictitious, expressed in words and arranged in a meaningful way to convey a particular message or theme.

The definition is a good start but in our work together we will need to reference two types of Narrative: Objective Narrative and Subjective Narrative.

To put it as simply as possible: 

Objective Narratives

An Objective Narrative tells what happened, and a Subjective Narrative tells how someone perceived what happened. 

Let’s break that down even further…

An Objective Narrative presents facts and events without adding personal opinions, feelings, or interpretations. It focuses on providing a clear, unbiased account of what happened, describing actions, settings, and dialogue in a straightforward manner.

For this example of an Objective Narrative we will paraphrase the actions in a scene from “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” where Harry receives his letter from Hogwarts in the mail. 

Example: One morning at the Dursleys’ house, Harry Potter and his cousin Dudley were in the living room. Vernon Dursley sat in a chair, reading his newspaper. There was a sound of the mail slot clinking at the front door. Dudley told Harry to fetch the mail. Harry picked up the letters from the doormat. Among the usual assortment of bills and advertisements was a letter addressed to him, written in green ink, and addressed to “Mr. H. Potter, The Cupboard under the Stairs.” Harry looked at the letter, but Vernon took it from his hands. Upon reading it, Vernon and Petunia exchanged glances and spoke in hushed tones. Vernon then told Harry to return to his cupboard.

The facts of the Objective Narrative are easy to see: It is morning. They are at the Dursley’s house. The mail slot clinks. and so on…

Subjective Narratives

A Subjective Narrative incorporates personal feelings, opinions, and interpretations. It aims to convey the emotional and psychological experiences of characters, often giving insight into their inner thoughts and reactions to events. Above you can see an excerpt of the actual book, but now I’d like to try something different. Let’s retell the scene from the subjective point of view of Dudley Dursley as if he were the hero of the story.

Example: Subjective Telling (Dudley’s POV)

One ordinary morning, Dudley Dursley, the self-proclaimed hero of the house, swaggered into the living room. His father, Vernon, was predictably hidden behind his newspaper, leaving Dudley free to assert his authority. The familiar clink of the mail slot announced the arrival of the mail, and Dudley, relishing his self-imposed role, ordered Harry to fetch it. As usual, Harry obeyed without protest. Among the mundane letters, one stood out—a letter addressed in emerald green ink to “Mr. H. Potter, The Cupboard under the Stairs.”

Indignation surged through Dudley. Why would Harry receive a letter? Anything of interest should rightfully be his. Before Harry could even touch the envelope, Vernon snatched it away, his face blanching. Petunia and Vernon exchanged anxious, urgent whispers, clearly disturbed by the letter’s contents. Dudley sensed the growing tension and felt a perverse satisfaction, knowing he was instrumental in maintaining the household’s pecking order.

When Vernon sharply commanded Harry to return to his cupboard, Dudley felt a rush of triumph. He watched, his curiosity piqued, as Harry complied, bewilderment etched on his face. Dudley reveled in his role as the household’s linchpin, ensuring that everything remained under his control.

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You can see in this retelling that Dudley believes he is the linchpin of the household, when in the actual telling, Harry does all of the chores and the cooking and cares for the needs of the family.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

In your life you have most likely been exposed to narratives in the form of entertainment such as movies, books, theater, tv, cartoons, poetry, comic books and games. 

In our work together, we will be using what we know about crafting stories as a way of examining your real life narrative — the stories you tell yourself about who you are, where you’ve been, and what you are capable of achieving. These inner narratives shape your choices and give your life meaning. 

They are also, often, tangled.

What is a Tangle?

“I’ve always done things the hard way. I was born like a piece of tangled yarn. The job is trying to untangle it, and I’ll probably go on doing it for the rest of my life.”

– Karen Allen​

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Unlike the word narrative, which is clear and frequently used,  I have adopted the word “Tangle” for my personal and professional development work. Let’s start with the dictionary definition of tangled: 

Tangle –  /ˈtæŋɡ(ə)l/ TANG-guhl A tangle is a confused mass of something twisted together. It can also refer to a complicated or confused state or condition.

A tangle forms within a narrative when an objective element is given additional subjective meaning that is unhelpful in the life of the storyteller.

Optimism vs. Defeat: A simple tangle

Let’s say that I am 15 years old and that I have failed every math test I have taken this entire school year.

 If I have a narrative that I can get better at math even though I have failed all of them, that narrative may be helpful to keep my hope high and propel me forward.
In the same instance, if I have a narrative that I am hopeless at math, then that tangle may stop my forward action and cause me to never improve at all.

In this particular case we are talking essentially about Optimism vs. Defeat.

Love vs. Family Solidarity: A Complicated Tangle

Lets say that I have fallen in love with a woman but I find out that her father is Derek Mize, the man who led a hostile takeover of my father’s company and pushed him out of what he had built. In my youth I embraced my father’s narrative about how evil Mr. Mize is, and because of this narrative I now believe that his daughter is cut from the same cloth and I give up on my pursuit of Felicia Mize. We break up and never speak again.

The reason that this narrative is deemed to be “tangled “is that the narrative I inherited from my father when I was much younger is extremely subjective and riddled with negative emotion and blame. If I were to begin the process of untangling this narrative, I might find that any of the following could be true:

1. My father ran his business poorly and the hostile takeover was a way out for everyone without losing their livelihood.
2. My father forgave Derek Mize years ago but I was not aware. My father has resolved that Mr. Mize is not evil but was actually a good man.
3. My girlfriend Felicia has nothing to do with her father and because of her father’s previous actions wants to be very different than the man who raised her.
4. Derek Mize has changed over the years and feels terrible for what he did and hopes to apologize to my father and gain his forgiveness.

If we take a narrative exactly as it is presented to us and make choices based on it, there is a chance that we will miss out on opportunities for growth, healing, or love or a dozen other possible advantages.

Exponential Tangling

Additionally, Tangles, if given long enough without examination, may even strengthen into the shape of a belief which makes it more difficult to straighten out, or “untangle.” 

Finally, the very worst of tangles that the most extreme tangles are “self healing” meaning that the individual is bound to a tangle they process as being essential to their safety or their identity itself, so much that they will accept any and all information that supports it whether it is true or not and add it into their existing narrative. 

My process of untangling narratives is at the core of my company’s work and I have found that the revelation that a narrative is more malleable and nuanced than it seems at first glance is the beginning to great inner work and an opportunity for great transformational change.

Tangled narratives can cloud our judgment and hinder our growth, but they are not insurmountable. By recognizing and reframing these narratives, we can unlock new perspectives and possibilities. At Untangled Narrative, LLC, we are dedicated to helping you navigate and untangle these stories to foster personal and professional development. Embrace the journey of untangling your narratives, and discover the transformative power of clarity. Join us in this process and take the first step towards a more empowered and fulfilling life.