In my 20s, I was gifted five cheat codes for powerful relationships. I am now passing them on to you free of charge.
I have had many creative pursuits, but the most rewarding is my love for improvisation. By performing comedy onstage with my friends, I have mastered skills in my business and personal life. Improvisation has become part of who I am, what I do, and how I treat others. Below are the five skills that are my cheat code for powerful relationships that you can start using today.
Cheat Code #1: Acceptance without agreement
In improvisation, accepting the reality of our scene partner is the foundation of the trust necessary to play together. In improvisation, we have no idea what will happen next in the show or what we will discover. The same is true for our relationships. Accepting your partner for exactly who they are at that moment means they do not have to try to be something they are not. Being accepted allows them to communicate freely.
Acceptance without agreement works when, at the first moments of a meaningful conversation with your partner, accepting everything they share even if you disagree. Acceptance does not mean adopting their viewpoint; it means respecting them enough to hold a space to express their current narrative, opinion, research, conflicts, or anything else that might be difficult to share.
Discuss with your partner whether they feel that you accept what they are saying and make them feel safe sharing when complex topics emerge.
Cheat Code #2: Listening to build together
As improvisers, listening to understand, accept, and build something together is the core of our performances on stage. Listen to your partner in life in a way that shows them that you are open to the possibility of change. Express your interest in building something together that would be bigger and better than what you could create on your own.
Discuss with your partner whether they feel that you listen to each other in a way that allows you to build for the future together.
Cheat Code #3: Alignment and Mutual Purpose
Alignment and Mutual purpose are probably the most important parts of a scene being improvised in front of an audience and the most important parts of a relationship, in my opinion. We need to have a mutual purpose, even if we have different perspectives. Though we may not always agree on every element of a strategy or a tactic, we are always aligned and seeking mutual purpose. If we seem to lose that mutual purpose at any given time, we recognize it and start the journey back to each other.
Discuss with your partner if they feel you are aligned with you and have a mutual purpose.
Cheat Code #4: Heightening the value and meaning
In improvisation, heightening is taking something existing and making it more critical to the story. With our partner, it is vital that, when desired, we take the work done by our partner and extend it further. The other person raises the stakes of their actions to accelerate you toward your mutual purpose. Without heightening, we do not have the needed healthy tension that drives us into the required action.
Discuss with your partner whether you can take the other’s work and actions and increase their value and impact.
Cheat Code #5: Humor and Playfulness
As improvisers, we do not need every moment on stage to be funny. Still, we need the other person we are working with to have a sense of playfulness and humor. We need them to have a sense of humor and playfulness about life, themselves, and their relationship. If we take our actions too seriously, we end up with just the action and no benefit to our relationship. This cheat code directly applies to our relationships. Even if you feel you are a relatively severe person, finding a place for humor and playfulness is vital. Especially in circumstances beyond your control and less than ideal.
Discuss with your partner where you might find even more humor and playfulness.
My hope is that these cheat codes for powerful relationships benefit you as much as they have me. Applying them in everyday interactions with your partner can nurture a deeper, more meaningful connection. Remember to approach these discussions with an open mind and a willingness to grow together. Building strong relationships takes time and effort.
Best wishes for a fruitful relationship!
This post is a part of my The 2024 Ninety Day Blogging Challenge that I am doing with my good friend Jason Scott Montoya.
